29 Jun 2021London, England, United KingdomJoel Myers Eulogy for Dad
When people ask if I have any brothers or sisters, it is always with a strong touch of guilt when I sometimes decide not to tell them I had a sister. Talking about her is so deeply personal. It means possibly explaining how she came to die – I don’t want her ever to be just another statistic. With COVID – well, most conversations today still tend to begin or be about it. The numbers - again, I just don’t know when to bring what happened to “my dad” into the conversation and if I should. I am so proud to be my father’s son - but by telling people that he died of this pandemic it feels like reducing his life. His incredible being. No-one wants to be defined by a number – a terrible statistic. In the case of dad – it would have infuriated him.
So, what is the measure of a man or woman? How do we know if we have done what we were put on this earth by G-d to achieve? We have no idea. There’s no guidebook to life. We are free to make our mistakes and make our own way. However, I am certain that whatever this measure is, decided by us, by G-d – whatever this purpose on Earth – my father was, simply put, a member of the “greatest of men”.
A man who left his mark on the world.
I can only aspire to be like him: loved and respected by so many family members, friends and colleagues here and internationally. His mark has travelled and spread worldwide – his humanity and good work are his legacy, bringing water, the source of life, to so many millions of people across India, Africa, South America and Asia.
As a husband, loving partner and best of friends to my mum since she was just 15 years’ old – they lived 60 years together, in so many good times, but even terrible hardships that life threw at them. My father and mother are an example of incredible courage - the strongest of will-powers, to go on living life to the full, even when a part of you has died. Dad doted on his little girl, Nicola, and G-d only knows how they both kept it altogether after such a impossible loss. Overcoming even this, each of you here today are a testimony to the rich life they had together.
For me - he was my guiding star.
Both of us rather hard-headed - in discussions we often didn’t agree – actually, more than a few times I would simply decide to take an opposing side to him, just not to agree. But that was part of who we were together. We loved each other’s company – I needed him – to talk important things over, get guidance, or just to chat and shoot the breeze - and I still need him so very much. How many times we admitted to each other how much the physical distance hurt – it wasn’t very macho, but we simply missed each other, waiting for the next call. Dad, what a huge empty space you have left.
He greatly valued being around people. He was a great listener, but at the same time loved telling his adventurous stories of his 40+ working years as he would put it, like Moses in the desert, the “wandering Jew”. Fleeing angry tribes armed with spears in Somalia – earthquakes in Asia, and civil wars in South America – his work kept him busy and on his feet. The moment he arrived in a town or city, he would grab his camera and go walkabout – absorbing characters and smiles on the streets – he needed to be part of the melting pot of cultures, spending hours chatting with locals. In photography he found his most creative side – expressing his thirst for travelling and being part of the world’s people. The 10s of thousands of photos are a wonderful, even if a little daunting, inheritance of his memories of those travels.
I never really gave much importance to dad’s work. Actually, it was sometimes an embarrassment to me. I remember in Hong Kong at school, when parents were invited to come to class to give a talk about their jobs. My classmates sat at their desks awaiting my dad to begin - “Hi kids, my name is Stephen, I am Joel’s dad, and waste is our bread and butter!”. He even took our class to a waste plant – a child’s dream daytrip! In hindsight, he was a passionate environmental Engineer, when the word “environment” was not given the same global importance. I first woke up to understanding the impact of dad’s work, when in the late 1980s, working at IBM (introduced by Cynthia’s husband, Ivor), my then boss, John Oakley, a tech guru and my mentor, met by chance with dad. John just stared at him then hugged him, exclaiming “You’re my hero!” Rather surreal - well, apparently, John had seen this documentary on the BBC’s “Panorama” about some chap cleaning up water in Athens – now that was someone John admired – saving the world!
In India, dad was known as the “Water God” – a little exaggerated and not very “kosher” for such a humble man, but when you don’t have running water and spend your whole day waiting to fill up the bath with enough water to drink, wash, and cook - you don’t know what time or day that is going to be – you can’t go out to work – your job is waiting for water. Well, then bringing running water to homes across a continent, 24/7 – that’s superpowers! He was a strong leader, but always with great respect, intelligence and compassion, taking decisions alongside his peers.
He was tireless in his dedication to family and friends – in his doctorate at the young age of 74 – as an author of two books on the Hidden Rivers of London, at Pinner camera club, in the Jewish community, and the lodge – but, sometimes to the point of obsession, as he always had to have a project to work on (I look to mum for acknowledgment on this one!). An example comes to mind, when, 6 months before getting married to Olivia, which many of you will remember, dad visited Rome. Well, I say visit, but that makes it sound rather relaxing. Dad spent a full 2 weeks going to hotels in the city. He had built up an Excel list for the multitude of British and international guests that would be coming that June to stay at. Usually providing a simple list of hotels would suffice and please guests, but no, for dad each of these hotels had to be scrupulously graded and ranked: for cleanliness, professional services, amenities and so on. A fulltime job that possibly got Tripadvisor started! It reminds me of a great tip he told me once when choosing a room at a hotel. When you go to reception to check-in just tell them “Please don’t give me the first room you were thinking of giving me, just give me the 3rd option!”
Dad, you are the noblest of men – a true “mench”. You were swept away from us, but we carry you with us, and I couldn’t be prouder to be your son. Father to me and surrogate father to Olivia, husband to an amazing lady, my mum, brilliant grandfather to Domiziano and Lavinia, closest of brothers to Ralph, uncle and cousin to a wonderful family, and a friend to so very many. You are deeply missed.
You promised us a sign. In one of those silly conversations as a family, we each said what sign we would give from the grave. You guaranteed that the heavens would open in the centre of Timbuctoo – it hasn’t happened, but you may still be negotiating with the powers-that-be. So, now, it is your turn – you have done so much for us here – just be in peace and enjoy the company of those that surround you – those lost that have preceded us in the kingdom to come.
