5 Jul 2023Marty Reynolds One week ago, I learned that my son, Scott, had tragically died. He was only 32 years of age. This has hit me harder, deeper, and more profoundly than anything I have ever experienced in my life. A gut punch to the soul. The deeper you love, the more it hurts.
I believe every parent has likely felt the same with the loss of a child. We have a sense of duty, out of everlasting love, to nurture and protect our children from harm. When something like this happens, it is truly devastating.
Reflecting on Scott, one of his most endearing qualities was a kindness and empathy towards others. I noticed this when he was at a very young age. He was 10 years old when we took him on a day trip to Mexico. I had given each of the children some money to buy souvenirs with. After we crossed the bridge and he encountered children begging for money, he immediately gave them everything he had. The rest of the day he was deeply troubled and asked if we could do the same.
Growing up and driving through the city, whenever we’d stop at a traffic light and there was a homeless person asking for money, Scott often wanted to give them any money he had, or he would ask if we could get some food at a drive-through and bring it back to them. Throughout his adult life, a desire to help others in need remained as a steadfast and defining quality of his sweet soul.
Scott had a love for being outdoors and for fishing. I think he was happiest when on the water. One of the most precious photographs I have is when he was fishing from a kayak on the Frio river.
Sadly, Scott spent most of his life struggling with addiction. He was open and upfront with this, so I know he would not mind me sharing. Without a doubt, I know that he sincerely wanted to overcome this. Initially, I used to believe that addiction was primarily a matter of choice or free-will. With time, as I became more aware by learning about it and listening to the stories from others, it became clear to me that, like most things in life, this is not all black or white. Instead, there are many shades of gray.
I learned that there are huge differences in an individual person’s tendency to addiction. Some people are fortunate to have a minimal tendency for addiction. Others can have a moderate or strong tendency which allows them to be capable of achieving recovery. A few, like Scott, have a powerful and dominating addictive drive that makes sobriety so difficult to achieve and sustain.
Over the years, understanding this variation in each person’s addictive tendency has allowed me to have ever increasing compassion and empathy for anyone that struggles with addiction. I have no doubt that Scott, like many others, deeply and sincerely wanted to find sustained sobriety. I will never know if this was even possible for him. I do know that he struggled and tried to find sobriety with all his heart and soul. Sadly, he lost this battle.
About the only comfort I can find, at this time, is knowing that Scott is finally at peace. I also know that, throughout his life, he always knew that he was deeply loved by his family and friends. He will be deeply missed and never forgotten.
Our family is creating a Memorial website to share pictures and stories from Scott’s life. Later this week, when it is ready, I will post a link for this site. Friends and family will be welcome to add their own memories of Scott with additional pictures, stories, or comments.
Our family is having a private gathering later this week to remember and reflect on Scott’s life. Scott regularly attended AA meetings in Austin and developed many close friendships over the years. There is a possibility that a memorial gathering will be held in Austin as well. This would likely follow the noon AA meeting where Scott commonly attended.
At some future date, our family will scatter Scott’s ashes in the places where he found the most joy and happiness.
