Kimberly Forquer

Tal and I have tried to come to terms with our excruciating loss and all that led to our son’s final, desperate act. My inability to heal him, to make him feel safe and whole — what feels like my failure to help him in any “real,” significant way haunts me. I will always think of Dylan as a shooting star that burned out early. His future seemed so bright and full of promise, yet it all dimmed too quickly. My heart aches for those like him who feel overwhelmed by thoughts gone wrong, who see only one solution. There is no hurrying through the pain. Tal and I are struggling with sadness. However, we had tried hard, making sure he always had a warm, loving family around him and access to an array of mental health supports. A stage of the healing process that I personally am struggling with is admitting and coming to terms with feelings of anger toward Dylan for what he did. Through this time, I’ve learned just how strong and resilient we both are. I understand, now, that we are people who can walk this difficult path and bear this heavy weight. Our marriage, too, is sturdier than it has ever been. I will always feel a special connection to people who are also grappling with sadness and loss. Unfortunately, there are many, but they do not need to go through it alone. Sharing our stories and memories is the way we can move forward and heal.